How To Avoid (Telepathy Related) Social Blunders
by MayFairy
Summary: "Less homicidal thoughts about your annoying coworker, please. I'm in a meeting." Quill and Missy, already friends (and a little more than that), accidentally end up telepathically connected. It makes some of their other social interactions...difficult. OR: that time Quill got jealous of Oscar Wilde, and the ninth time they traumatised Charlie. [Quissy, with Twelve and Matteusz]


**Tumblr prompt: Quissy for the telepathy prompts - "Less homicidal thoughts about your annoying coworker, please. I'm in a meeting."**

 **I got...carried away. Oops. Also, Matsy brotp continues bc this is set in _The Only Friend I Have_ verse. **

* * *

It's not the easiest thing, to try and hold a pleasant conversation over tea when every few seconds Missy gets flashes of graphic images like a pencil going through an economic teacher's eye into his brain. Or a slender hand around his throat and squeezing along with _just shut your mouth, you insufferable pink weasel, before I cut your tongue out!_

Missy sighs.

 _Quill. Andy. Darling. Less homicidal thoughts about your annoying coworker, please. I'm in a meeting._

 _You're having tea with the great eyebrow legend himself. That's not a meeting. And you can't honestly be telling me that this idiot wouldn't look better with his head detached from his body._

 _Of course not. But you know how I feel about your violent streak. It's...distracting, and Thete is bound to get suspicious._

"Everything alright?" The Doctor asks Missy from across the table. He's pouring whiskey into his tea and she's polite enough not to comment about it in this point in time.

Telling him about how she accidentally ended up with a telepathic bond with the alien freedom fighter he rescued and dropped on Earth would be...unnecessarily difficult. He doesn't even know that she knows Quill, let alone the more intimate nature of their relationship. Clueing him in about how Missy's attempt to get the ahn out of Quill had completely backfired would just be - well. Awkward. Yes, that's a better word. Awkward.

"Everything's peachy," she tells him after a moment's pause, smiling at him, "Just got a few loose ideas floating around."

He snorts. "Do I want to know?"

"No, I don't think so."

The economics teacher is talking in the staff meeting again and Quill is imagining drowning him in the sink. As if that isn't attractive enough in itself, Missy has great appreciation for someone who will commit to pain for the sake of pure spite. It physically hurts Quill to even have these thoughts, but to her it's worth it.

Missy shifts in her seat, feeling deliciously too warm under the collar.

 _You flatter me._ Quill is amused and briefly distracted from her hatred for the man apparently called Mr Richards.

 _Well, you're a glorious creature to behold, dear. And if we ever get that ahn out of you, oh the fun we'll have._

 _As long as it doesn't involve pointless murder sprees. You know I'm_ not _actually into that._

 _Don't be like that, Andy dear. It's such a turn off._

 _Hmph. Torture is more fun anyway. Much longer gratification plus you get to watch them cry and piss themselves. And if you're so inclined, you can still kill them afterwards._

 _There's my girl._

This time it's Quill who is swallowing hard and adjusting her position in her own seat. She likes it when Missy calls her that but _hates_ the fact that with this new connection of theirs she can't keep it a closely guarded secret.

"Missy," the Doctor says, with just a hint of concern. She snaps back to attention and sees an adorable little frown on his face. Bless.

"What, a girl can't have a moment with her thoughts?" She asks him, arching an eyebrow.

"You're acting...weird."

"Oh, and I've _never_ done that before, being a known upstanding and entirely sane citizen of the universe."

"You know what I mean. Weird for you."

 _Seriously, how is this a meeting? You're having tea and scones. Contrary to what you insist, you can't be enemies_ and _friends with somebody. This whole relationship of yours is so completely screwed I don't even have words for it._

Quill's confusion over Missy's relationship with the Doctor never ceases to amuse the Time Lady.

"Eat your scones, Doctor," Missy tells him, buttering her own and slathering them with jam, "I made them specially."

"You stole them."

"With love. For you."

He rolls his eyes, but there's fondness in them and the smallest hint of a smile on the corner of his lips. Missy smiles at him, softly, and finds herself grateful for this moment with him, for their ability to have quiet days with each other.

Not that the loud ones involving murder attempts and explosions aren't wonderful too. But their duality is what makes their relationship special.

 _You two are disgustingly cute. I'm torn between actually smiling and wanting to gag - the biology teacher is giving me an odd look so I'm assuming the conflict isn't completely internal._

Missy snickers, rather proud, and ignores the confused look the Doctor gives her. _I know the feeling. It's going to be a while before we get a handle on maintaining multiple conversations like this._

"Want to go ice skating?" She asks the Doctor, getting up from the table.

"Not really."

"We could go in the 19th century. Take somebody fun with us. Like Dickenson. Or Marx."

"Marx yells at me whenever I buy anything, we're not taking Marx. And Emily hates you. Almost as much as I hate skating. Suggest literally anything else."

"Oscar Wilde."

"He's terrible at skating."

"So are you. You can be terrible together. And then he can shower us both with affection."

They get up from the table and head for his console room, while Quill informs Missy that she's never been ice skating and is curious about what it's like. She also wants to know who this Oscar is and why he apparently is so fond of Missy.

 _We share a disdain for humanity. You of all people should know how that can bond two people._

Quill's staff meeting is over, thankfully, and she makes a point of bumping into the economics teacher hard enough that he drops all of his papers. Missy hides a snort behind her hand.

* * *

The Time Lords go ice skating with Oscar Wilde. Missy practically preens like a cat around him and Quill doesn't hesitate to tell her how ridiculous she's being.

 _Jealous?_

 _Only a little._

 _You're never jealous of Thete._

 _It's different with him._

The Doctor and Oscar insist on going to get a drink, and Missy walks between them with her arms looped through theirs. She has happily let them talk over her because she's busy talking to Quill in her head, but she catches a bit of their conversation and tunes back into them.

"Oh no, she doesn't apologise. Trust me. Her type, they don't do apologies. You know the times she gets most annoyed with me? When I ignore her, or if I forgive her for something. She hates that. Which is why I do it so much, of course."

Oscar looks thoughtful. "Hmm. Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. I like that."

The Doctor blinks, and curses. "Well, I walked right into that one." He sighs. "You know, that's good. You should write it down."

"I despise you," Missy says, narrowing her eyes at him. "This sort of thing is why you were put on trial for intervention. Twice." Quill still doesn't understand why she's so exasperated with her best friend.

 _Everything is just one bootstrap paradox after the next with him. It makes me nauseous. Like, actually physically sick, just a bit._

 _It really comes as no surprise to me that he's idiotic enough or obnoxious enough to fed notable historical figures their own quotes._

 _Sadly, this is good by his standards. At least it was indirect this time. How's things on your end?_

Quill is teaching physics. Or rather, her version of teaching physics, which is being on her iPad looking at pictures of cats while her students try to solve the equation on the board. She's just had a new idea, though, one that makes Missy snort.

 _Subtle._

 _Sarcasm suits me better than you._

She's pulled up the iBooks app and is now reading through an erotic lesbian novel - or rather, she's skipped straight to a sex scene and is blatantly imagining them in the positions of the characters in a deliberate move to entice Missy into visiting.

"Missy?"

Missy realises she's come to a stop in the middle of the pub they've walked into. The Doctor and Oscar have turned around to look at her curiously.

"Seriously, what is in your head today?"

 _A sexually frustrated physics teacher. Ditch him and come here, please._

"Yeah, good plan," Missy murmurs, not meaning to speak out loud. Sure enough the two men give her confused and concerned looks. "Look, boys, I'll catch you two another time."

She kisses them each on both cheeks - she genuinely adores them both, the funny things - and turns around to head straight out the door. Once she finds a secluded alleyway, she teleports to Quill's house for the approximate time that Quill should arrive home from school.

 _Ah, there you are._

 _Don't act like you haven't enjoyed the few hours of quiet. How far away are you?_

 _Two minutes._

Missy waits - impatiently - but sure enough it isn't long before Quill walks through the door. Missy presses her to the wall in the narrow doorway.

"That was two minutes and twelve seconds," Missy says, and Quill rolls her eyes and kisses her.

 _You're such a pest. I didn't need_ two _murderous creatures in my head, you know._

"Shush," Missy tells her, stroking a hand across her hair, "I ditched my best friend and Oscar Wilde for you. At least try to be grateful."

"That name still means very little to me," Quill replies, tilting her head back so that Missy can press kisses to her neck.

 _Tell me about what you wanted to do to that teacher. Out loud._

"Impale him with stationary. Drown him in the sink." Missy hums with approval and nips at her neck. It's always nice when she finds someone who shares her interests. And as a bonus, Quill is just so beautiful. "Strangling him with my bare hands was appealing but there's something sort of intimate about death on that level and I'm not sure he's worth it. I'd rather strangle you."

Missy sucks in a tight breath through her teeth. She moves to kiss her again, hard, but -

"Urgh, can you not do that in the hallway?" The princeling asks. His voice never fails to irritate Missy. His everything never fails to irritate Missy, actually. "I did _not_ need to know that you find talk of violence and strangulation arousing."

"It's called breathplay, Pollyanna, try opening a Google tab some time," Missy retorts, "God, I forget how vanilla humans are."

Behind Charlie, his pretty boyfriend starts choking with laughter.

"Come on, Charlie," he says, dragging the prince past them.

Quill looks understandably annoyed. Missy slips her coat from her shoulders and presses a kiss to her pulse joint, slow and soft and deliberate. Quill lets out a long breath and her body relaxes in Missy's arms.

 _Bedroom, come on. No need to prompt any more complaining from his highness, and I haven't had nearly enough kisses today. The Doctor stole all of Oscar's attention._

"Do you usually end up kissing Oscar Wilde?"

"Hmm, quite often," Missy says thoughtfully.

"You know Oscar Wilde?" Matteusz is back, standing at the foot of the stairs and staring at them with a look of surprise that Missy finds vaguely adorable. He's a sweet little puppy, this one. She can appreciate that.

"Intimately," Missy tells him, her smile wide.

Matteusz nods, his shock giving way to a kind of awed appreciation. "Oh. You have an...interesting selection of friends, do you not?"

"That would be putting it mildly, dear," Missy tells him.

Quill makes a noise of frustration. _I don't have enough words to convey how much I don't care about this Oscar Wilde person. Can we_ go _?_

"Go back upstairs, Matteusz," Quill tells him, entwining her fingers with Missy's and dragging her in the direction of her bedroom, "I'd recommend playing some loud music." Matteusz blushes. Missy gives him an affectionate pat on the cheek with her free hand as she goes past, and he chuckles and shakes his head before heading upstairs.

He's good, that one. A good puppy.

 _He's still annoying._

 _Shush, Andy. I like him._

You _don't have to listen to them having sex every other night. I'm allowed to be as annoyed as I want, and your bizarre affection for the polish one makes it difficult and confusing._

 _As of late, thanks to this I_ have _experienced that. But so what? It's just sex. Loads of people do it._

 _If you want me to stay in the mood, move the conversation away from Charles' sex life. Now._

Missy giggles as she unbuttons Quill's shirt and trousers and pushes the blonde back on the bed. She goes about discarding the outer layers of her own outfit so that she can straddle Quill's hips.

"When are you going to tell the Doctor about this?"

Missy leans over Quill to kiss her, pulling on her lower lip with her teeth. "Do you mean _us_ , or the accidental telepathy?"

"I don't know, any of it. Maybe if he knew I have to deal with the ahn protesting every time _you_ get homicidal these days he'd take pity on me and help me get it out."

"Can never be sure, with that one," Missy mutters. _But I prefer having you to myself._

 _I know you do. Prove it._

Missy smirks and takes full advantage of the fact that telepathy improves sex beyond description - as any Time Lord knows, but it's trickier with interspecies relationships so this connection is a godsend in that regard.

The fact that Quill can't quite hide any of her vaguely adoring thoughts about Missy due to their connection is a wonderful bonus. (If only because she gets _very_ annoyed when Missy gets smug about it. Pride is a delicate thing.)

It's not an ideal arrangement, but neither of them can deny it has its perks.

* * *

 **I may have accidentally implied that a Twelve/Missy/Oscar Wilde threesome is something that has happened. More alarmingly, it seems not so much plausible as probable.**

 **Let me know what you thought! I had a lot of fun with this.**

 **-MayFairy :)**


End file.
